


At the Crossing

by bedheadedhero



Category: Octopath Traveler (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Trans Male Character, supportive friendships and quiet campfire talks, trans headcanon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-04 01:23:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16337057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bedheadedhero/pseuds/bedheadedhero
Summary: Orsterra is forward thinking. It's greatly uncommon for anyone to be held in contempt for their identity.Still, the way things are talked about differs from place to place, and Alfyn is a small town boy still getting used to being out of his small town home. He's not always sure if or how to tell people.Alfyn comes out to Prim- sort of preshipping, trans male Alfyn, really just a soft friendship fic.





	At the Crossing

It had been an innocuous comment. Meant to be a compliment, of course, but some of the assumed implications made Alfyn uncomfortable.

A good father.

The words had been from Primrose. Alfyn considered himself honored to be her friend already- she was steadfastly courageous and focused, and despite the difficult burdens she bore she still believed in being kind to those in need. She wasn't selfish. He liked her.

That aside, his admiration for her also meant that he was honored she thought he'd be suited to raising a child. But the thought of him as a dad just didn't...come quite naturally.

In his turn at watch that night- they had a while to go before their next destination, after all- Primrose came to sit with him. She seemed afflicted with frequent insomnia. He had given her draughts once or twice when she felt comfortable or tired enough to accept them. She wasn't fond of having to take medicine, she said- he never pushed her unless she seemed unhealthy.

“You've been lost in thought for a while.” Primrose said quietly as she took a seat next to him by the fire.

The air was pleasantly cool and the fire's heat cast them both in a glow. Alfyn had stripped down as far as his undershirt and trousers- as far as he usually would around anyone, really.

“Have I?” He asked, “Sorry.”

It was absent. He was still unsure how to bring it up. But Primrose solved the problem for him.

“Alfyn,” She started, “You've been quiet ever since we spoke before leaving Goldshore. Did I...perhaps say something that upset you? I've been mulling it over- you're a friend, and I'd had to have done something to harm you.”

Alfyn's smile was gentle. “You didn't say anything that you could've known would upset me.”  
It was a hint he hadn't meant to throw, but it stood between them in stale air for a moment before Primrose snatched it up and tossed the ball back in his direction.

“Something unintentional then...Alfyn, was it the comment about you being a father?”

She was sharp. Another thing he liked about her. Alfyn squirmed.

Orsterra was far from backwards in things like ones' own self perception. In things like gender or romance, it was generally accepted that prejudices concerning such matters were long outdated. Anyone who still held them was considered a curmudgeon or not worth speaking to.

That wasn't to say there weren't differences in how it was approached from place to place. In Clearbrook, small village though it was, everyone was open and honest about any question put to them. And Alfyn's unique situation only spurred better communication about it through the townsfolk.

It seemed that the riverlands and coastlands were like that. More open, more laid back in their approach. But places further mainland, Alfyn knew, were very tight lipped. There was nothing wrong with, say, being attracted to both sexes. That was a true situation for much of their party, honestly. But such things were considered greatly private outside of what each person chose on their own to share.

Alfyn was still trying to find a balance. The people in their group had come from all over the continent, and he really wasn't sure how to...come about it with all of them. Therion and Tressa were easy. Therion was the first he'd met of the group, so when it was only them traveling it only made sense for him to know. Tressa was from the coastlands. H'aanit had figured it out on her own and asked him in private- then shared her own predisposition in recompense. That is, she held no interest in men and preferred women.

Cyrus...Alfyn hadn't told him and he'd made no comments, but the apothecary suspected that he knew, as he suspected with Olberic too- there had been some careful gazes lent him by the former knight where Cyrus had offered none, though.

Alfyn wasn't devout, but he was somewhat religious, so he had told Ophilia in a private moment when attending morning prayer. She had taken it in stride and easily. It wasn't something widely discussed in Flamesgrace, but Ophilia was educated enough to understand what he meant.

Which left Primrose. And he'd been silent far too long.

He'd no idea what the protocol for these things was in Sunshade. Noblecourt was like Atlasdam, very private in terms of such affairs. But Primrose hadn't lived there in years now, so...

“Alfyn?”

He'd lost himself again.

“You see,” He started. The thick riverlands drawl that he usually hid bled into his speech.

“I'm not what you'd call...a natural born man.” He offered awkwardly. He didn't know how else to phrase it aside from the Riverlands local slang, so he added. “I'm, uh...at the crossing.”

Transgender was a more technical term for it, but it was for whatever reason only well known in medical circles these days. The term 'at the crossing' was used in the riverlands to describe the disjoint between body and self identity that people like Alfyn experienced, and the medical journey some took if they could. A tincture could be made to mold the body int more outwardly resembling that of the heart's identity- nothing true and complete, but enough. Alfyn had been a pipsqueak before he'd started his regimen at sixteen. Now he was a strong, solid looking fellow with stubble and a rigid jaw, so hardly anyone ever expected such information out of him. Despite all its forwardness, there would always be misconceptions about what someone _at the crossing_ ought to look or sound like.

A recognition lit up in Primrose's eyes. Nothing upset of course, but a little regretful.

“Oh dear.” she sighed, “I see why that might upset you then...because you can't naturally _be_ a father.”

Alfyn allowed a nod. He'd never developed a large bust, but he still had to bind his chest a little, so he didn't fully undress in front of anyone he hadn't confirmed was comfortable bathing with him. He hadn't done it around any of the party more because it was just easier to bathe alone on the road rather than use public baths. He wasn't ashamed of who he was, but being so out of his depth after leaving his hometown for the first time had driven him a bit more to shyness than he would have been otherwise inclined.

“It ain't like I couldn't adopt a kid sometime down the line, but...” he shrugged, “I dunno, I guess I always just thought of it more as a thing for a proper couple to have kids, not a scraggly apothecary who's never taken a girl on a date before.”

His smile was crooked and a bit awkward.

Zeph had been his first sweetheart. They weren't in such a relationship anymore and the romance had been short-lived, but still a positive experience in the end. They'd both eventually surmised that a brotherly relationship was what they preferred- and Alfyn had come to the conclusion that he was just more interested in girls than he was in boys.

That was the extent of his experience, though. Held hands, shy pecks on the cheek here or there. Nothing substantial.

He'd never had the courage to approach anyone. Zeph had been the one to ask him out. Alfyn felt a sublime lack of confidence in romantic situations. Fear always colored his approach to it. Not being good enough, being laughed at, that sort of thing. All the things that someone shyer than they let on would feel.

They had been quiet a moment again. Alfyn scratched the stubble on his chin. “Anyway, you didn't meant any harm, Primrose.” he offered up, “I'm not angry with you either. I know there's nothin' wrong with me, but I'm from a backwater little place and I just...don't know how to approach it out in the world yet, I guess. Still learnin'.”

Primrose nodded in deep understanding. “That's something you can take your time doing, Alfyn. And you've no obligation to tell anyone about your body that you don't wish to.”

Alfyn smiled. “Yeah...thanks.”

They sat in comfortable silence now for a few minutes, then Primrose spoke up again.

“For what it's worth,” her voice was gentle, “I still believe it. You'd be an excellent parent.”

“Aw, shucks...Primrose...” Alfyn felt his cheeks heat. Damn his bashful nature to hell.

“I mean it.” Primrose was smiling softly, “You have a gentle, nurturing personality, Alfyn. You're honest with people, and you always put your loved ones' needs before your own. So much that one could almost find it a fault.”

She looked at the fire. “You've abundant patience and kindness. You'd be suited to domestic life- that's a compliment as well.”

Alfyn felt himself red up to his hair, heart pattering a bit. Such high words of praise from such a beautiful woman was _certainly_ something to put him out of his depth. The small crush blossoming in him didn't help either.

“You don't have to go all into detail.” He said. His voice cracked a touch, and he was smiling. “But I do appreciate it. I think I'd wanna marry before I ever considered kids, though. So I gotta find myself some fool woman who would want that out of me to begin with, I guess.”

Primrose shoved his shoulder lightly. “Don't be silly, Alfyn, think better of yourself.”

He laughed. “Sorry.” He offered. Prim was rolling her eyes.

“Remember Stillsnow?”

Alfyn said in reply that he did.

“You thanked me for keeping you from the brothel. When you found out the real details of what work of that nature is liked you said you felt sick.”

“People aren't toys.” Alfyn said. A repetition of what he had told Primrose back then. If he'd known beforehand that to frequent a brothel was more often than not to take advantage of someone as if they were a plaything, he would have felt even sicker for ever considering it.

“I don't want to hurt anyone.” he added, quietly.

“You respect people.” Primrose affirmed, “And you're kind and gentle, but you're reliable and strong. There's going to be a lucky woman by your side someday, if you let things happen and don't rush. Don't you worry.”

Alfyn offered a half smile. “You're real good at this whole pep talk thing, Primrose.” He said wryly, “It's almost like you rehearsed it in the mirror.”

“Quiet you.” She laughed lightly, “But enough of that. The point is that you're a man regardless of your birth's circumstance and that'd nobody's business but your own anyway. And aside, I'd actually come to request a draught.”

Alfyn perked up then. “Well we been real distracted then, huh?” He smiled, “My watch is probably almost up. I'll fix something for you after I wake Olberic for his turn.”

He stood and stretched, rolled his shoulders under the compression of his undershirt. Primrose's eyes followed him with what he assumed to be curiosity(it was, in a way.)

Primrose had told him nothing but what he already knew. Somehow it sounded more real coming from a person other than himself, though.

He hoped he could offer the same assurance to her if she ever needed it.

 


End file.
